Real Love

I know I broadcast that I've met my "soul mate" and that I've manifested a deeply fulfilling relationship. But what does that really mean? Love, Relationships, Life... they are all subjective. Where do I get off declaring that I've found "IT?"

Maybe I can best describe "IT" and explain why I think I've found "IT" by giving you a taste of what I was looking for, what I truly wanted, and what I have now...

I always wanted a relationship in which I felt like I could truly be myself. This did not seem like a short order to me in the past because it included showing my neurosis in all it's glory. How was I going to find someone who didn't judge me when a was spiraling down an emotional rabbit hole? It isn't that these moments are the norm. Over the past few years I have begun to associate more with my self-evolved, spiritual side as opposed to the anxious, worry-wort side. But, hey, they are both a part of me and I was worried (a symptom of my neurosis and anxiety) that the darker side would scare true love away. I thought that in order to find love I had to have all of my issues completely resolved. That was a huge lie.

When I began the manifestation process to find my soul mate, I told myself it was a lie... but I didn't fully believe it. However, I kept on telling myself that "You do not need to be fully evolved and without any issues to find love."

On my list of qualities I was looking for in a partner was "someone who would love me for all of me, that would comfort me when I was feeling anxious, but would also challenge me to work through my issues to find greater clarity." I wanted someone who was non-judgmental. I wanted a true partner... someone to accept me for who I was, but would help me grow into a better person (or at least a person with a little less neurotic tendencies).

That is what I found with my relationship. My relationship grounds me. It has forced me to look at life from a different perspective as well as my own and find a new point of view. I don't rely on my relationship for emotional stability, but it does offer me that. I still have to do the work on my own... journaling, meditating, staying true to me....but I have someone who supports me on my journey. And, I have someone that is committed to me and committed to our relationship. So, to me... I have found my "soul mate." I have found a deeply fulfilling relationship that is exactly what I was looking for. Does this mean that we are destined to be together for this whole lifetime? Only time will tell. I believe we can have many soul mates in a lifetime and it is important to not hold on to tightly to any relationship (Remember that codependence does not equal true love). All I know is that for now this relationship makes me extremely happy. It is not without it's rough moments, but it wouldn't be so grounding if it wasn't. That is what I love about it.... it is real love!

The Happiness Additive: A loving relationship adds to your life. It's doesn't have to be about dependency.

I have talked to so many woman that say, "I shouldn't want a relationship because I shouldn't need a man to make me happy." Here are my thoughts on that logic. I agree that happiness comes from within, and it is never healthy to look to another human being for your happiness. However, there is a difference between dependency and what I call "the happiness additive." There are certain things in our lives that ADD HAPPINESS, but we are not dependent on those things for all of our happiness. This is the case for a healthy, loving, supportive, relationship.

Our self-love, self-care, and self-awareness are at the core of our happiness, and everything else is a "happiness additive."

Love adds to our lives. The same way a purposeful, successful career can add to our lives. The same way a new pet can add to our lives. And the same way a healthy diet and exercise can add to our lives. But for some reason I don't hear women say to me, "I shouldn't want a successful career because I shouldn't need a career to make me happy," or "I shouldn't want a new pet because I shouldn't need a pet to make me happy," or "I shouldn't want a healthy diet and lots of exercise because I shouldn't need good health to make me happy." It is because the deep desire for love and a relationship has gotten confused with the unhealthy need for dependency.

Just know that if you commit to personal growth, learn to love and accept yourself, and don't lose site of yourself on your path to love, LOVE WILL ADD IMMENSE HAPPINESS TO YOUR LIFE, and therefore THERE IS NO SHAME IN SHOUTING FROM THE ROOFTOPS THAT YOU WANT TO FIND LOVE.

Men and Women are just different

If there was one piece of advice that would solve most relationship problems... It would be that MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT CREATURES. There is a distinct difference between male energy and female energy. Therefore, learning how to communicate is key, but also... sometimes it helps to just know that we may express our emotions in different ways... and that different isn't synonymous with "bad." Women will often crave more affection and feel unloved without that affection, but men will often show their women love in different ways. The key, as I said before, is to communicate our needs without pointing the finger. Neither the man or the woman is usually wrong or "bad." It is just that we are just different.